Am I Doing This Relationship Thing Right? (North OC)

Daniel Sumoge: 00:00:00

Uh, I know today's a special day.

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Well, there's two

reasons why it's special.

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The first one is my, my friend

Lucas Kaufman from Phoenix.

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He's here today with us here in Orange

County, and I don't know if you guys

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know this, but Lucas was, uh, in

the room when I called Savannah's

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dad to say, Hey, I need to talk to

you about marrying your daughter.

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So Lucas kind of pumped me up to do so.

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So thank you so much Lucas for that.

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But also today is Mother's Day, man.

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I love.

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Mother's Day.

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You know, I love my mom so much.

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Uh, I like to think of myself as, have

you guys seen that Adam Sand movie?

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The Water Boy?

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Yeah.

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Alright.

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I'm like, Bobby Boucher.

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I'm like, mama says, right?

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So whatever my mom says,

I take it as truth.

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Funny story, you know, with preaching

camp coming up, the registration is

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the last, uh, today, today's the last

year to register, but, uh, when I was a

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pre-teen, my first year of pre-teen camp.

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Uh, I called home, I

went to the infirmary.

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'cause I figured that's where you

go if you're sick and you need help.

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So I went to the infirmary.

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I said, call my mom.

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I want to go home.

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I got homesick.

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I was like, I missed my mom.

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I missed the home cooking.

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And I called her and she was

like, oh man, I'm so sorry.

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Even if I could come and get you, I

can't because we're in Vegas with you.

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The family.

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So I was stuck at teen camp,

but it was a great time though.

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So for those who haven't

registered for pre teen camp,

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just know that I turned out.

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All right.

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All right, so man, please go

ahead and do so with that.

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But, uh, as you know, we're also in a

sermon series right now in the sermon

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series is called Am I doing this right?

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There it is.

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Am I doing this right?

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And this is something I feel

like we can ask ourselves

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more times than we can count.

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Maybe for the parents here in this

room, maybe you think that, you

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know, your kid asked for a candy

or a cookie before dinner and

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you said, no, you can't have it.

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But then you're in the kitchen secretly

eating that cookie before dinner.

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You're probably thinking,

am I doing this right?

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Or maybe you're like myself, where

your wife makes you, you know, you

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have to clean around the house and

she still just critiques you about the

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baseboards and all this other stuff.

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But then you ask yourself,

am I doing this right?

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Or maybe it's our walk with God.

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Maybe when you read your Bible, but

forget what you read five minutes later.

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Or maybe you're trying to pray in the

morning, but then you're like, man,

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I'm so tired, or, I have so much stuff

to do that you kind of stop praying

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and you wonder, am I doing this right?

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You know, we've all been there and

that's what this series is all about.

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Moments where we're trying to learn

moments when we're trying to grow,

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but we're always, uh, we're not

always sure if we're doing it right.

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Today, uh, today's topic I feel

like is definitely special because

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obviously it's Mother's Day, we're

gonna be talking about relationships.

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Am I doing this relationship thing right?

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You know, let's be real relationships.

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They're a big part of our lives,

whether it's in our marriage, in

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our dating relationships, in our

friendships with our family, with our

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coworkers, relationships shapes us.

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You know, if you want a strong friendship.

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A healthy marriage, a closer bond

with your kids or with your parents.

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It all comes down to this one thing

love, but not just any kind of love.

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I'm not talking about the love you

see in those romantic comedy movies

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or the songs you hear on the radio.

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Those are often about following

your heart, and it's the shallow

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and self-centered kind of love.

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But I'm talking about the

love that comes from Christ.

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The Christ-like love.

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It's a love that's patient, that's

sacrificial, that's forgiving.

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A love that says, I'm here for

you, not what can you do for me?

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And the only way to consistently

love like that is to start with God.

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When we love God with everything

we got, his love fills us.

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And that becomes the source

of how we get to love others.

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You know, for those who know about

Matthew 22, if we have some, some

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Bible scholars here, you guys know

throughout this chapter in Matthew

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22, Jesus was getting full court

pressed by all the Pharisees and the

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Sadducees and the teachers of the law.

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These people here, you know, they,

they know the word of God, that

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that's what they do for a living.

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They, they love it.

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They know all the commands and stuff.

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So they're asking Jesus, they're

like, Hey, what, what's going on?

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Like, do we have to pay

taxes to Caesar Jesus?

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Or, Hey, what is this

about the resurrection?

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Tell us more about it, but

more in a threatening way.

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And then here, uh, it stumbles upon

in Matthew 22 where someone just gets

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up and it said, Hey, Jesus, out of the

600 plus laws in the Old Testament.

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Please just narrow it down

to this one commandment.

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What is the greatest commandment?

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And we see in Matthew 22, verse

37, uh, through 40, it says, Jesus

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replied, love the Lord your God

with all your heart, with all

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your soul, and with all your mind.

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This is the first and

greatest commandment.

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And the second is like it.

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Love your neighbor as yourself.

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All the prophet, all the

law and the prophets.

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Hang on to these two commandments.

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That's the foundation.

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Love God and love people, but here's the

thing, if we don't love God with all our

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being, with all our heart, with all our

soul, and with all our mind, then we're

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trying to love others on an empty tank,

and that's when things get messy, right?

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Church.

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That's when we get impatient.

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That's when we get jealous.

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We get bitter, we get

insecure, we get controlling.

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Not because we don't care, but because

we're not rooted in the love of Christ.

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First, let me ask you, have you

ever tried to love someone right?

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A parent, maybe a friend, your spouse,

your boyfriend, your girlfriend, and

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still felt like something was just off.

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Like, man, I'm doing my best,

but you know, I'm showing up, I'm

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doing, you know, I'm being kind.

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I'm trying to make it work.

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But there's still this tension.

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There's still this miscommunication.

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There's this insecurity, man,

something's off and you can't

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quite put your finger on it.

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You know?

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Maybe the problem isn't our effort,

but maybe it's our foundation.

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We're trying to do life.

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We're trying to do relationships.

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We're trying to do faith without

first inking ourselves in God's love.

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But can I be real with

you all this morning?

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I know.

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You know, it's, it's not easy.

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It's not easy to always

be rooted with God.

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Life gets busy.

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We've got school, we've got work,

we've got sports, got family, we got

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bills, we have appointments, group

text, laundry, dinner, all this stuff.

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And somewhere in the middle of

that, we start forgetting what's

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important that relationships.

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They're not built by accident.

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I think about my relationship

with my wife, Savannah.

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It didn't just happen because we liked

each other or had a few things in common.

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It was built with intention.

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It was built through conversations,

through choosing to listen

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when I'd rather be speaking.

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It's through showing up through

forgiving, through the hard conversations.

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It's been built through effort and

being present, and that's true for every

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relationship in your life that matters.

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Think about your best friend.

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You don't just drift into that deep

friendship that you have with them.

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You don't just stumble

into a strong marriage.

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You don't accidentally

just get close to God.

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It takes time being intentional with our

time, with our attention, with our heart,

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because the truth is you can be around

someone but still be distant from them.

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You can be doing the right things, but

you can still miss on the relationship.

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For me, I definitely fell short

with this not too long ago,

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literally last week, where I was

caught up in doing so many things.

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For those who don't know, I

worked part-time for the church,

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so I have another part-time job.

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So I was doing that.

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I was planning up for teen camp, so I

was calling the parents and the teens.

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I was running the LA teen ball and man,

there was just so many things I had to do.

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And then on top of that I was like,

man, let me be a great husband.

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Lemme be an encouraging

husband as I always am.

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Right, Savannah?

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Yeah, there it is.

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Yes.

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I was like, let me do the laundry.

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Not only let me do the laundry,

some of us, we stop at the laundry

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part, but I also folded the clothes.

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And then I was like, matter of

fact, let me put these clothes away.

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And then on top of that I

was like, you know what, man?

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Let me go grocery shopping too.

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So I got the groceries, but

then I was like, you know what,

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I'm gonna go one step above.

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Let me actually cook these groceries.

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Let me have dinner ready for Savannah.

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I was doing all these things.

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All these things, they weren't bad things.

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They were great things.

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But then one day, literally, I think it

was probably last Saturday or Sunday,

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Savannah was just like, man, I, I

haven't connected with you all week.

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And I was like, well, babe, like, yeah,

I know, but I'm doing all these things.

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I have so much on my plate because

I don't want you to stress out.

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I don't wanna give you the

leftovers I have to do.

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But she was like, no, no, no.

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Like I don't care about that.

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I just want to connect with you.

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You see, I was doing everything for her,

but Miss seeing, actually being with her.

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Are you with me, church?

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Yes, sir.

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And that's when it hit me that I

was busy, but I wasn't present.

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I was productive, but I wasn't connected.

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And that's exactly what we're gonna see.

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Uh, as we, uh, we're gonna dive

into a story and Luke chapter 10,

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we're gonna dive into a story of

two sisters named Mary and Martha,

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both encounter Jesus, both love him.

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They both made different choices

in the presence of Jesus.

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In Luke chapter 10, verse 38

through 42, it reads as Jesus and

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his disciples were on their way.

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He came to a village where a woman

named Martha opened her home to him.

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She had a sister called Mary who sat

at the Lord's feet listening to what he

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said, but Martha was distracted by all

the preparation that had to be made.

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She came to him and asked, Lord,

don't you care that my sister

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has left me to work by myself?

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Tell her to help me.

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Martha.

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Martha, the Lord answered.

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You are worried and upset about

many things, but few things are

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needed or indeed, only one Mary

has chosen what is better and it

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will not be taken away from her.

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You know what is happening here?

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You know Jesus, he's been traveling.

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Uh, he just sent out his 72 disciples

earlier in this chapter to spread

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the message of the Kingdom of God.

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And now he has entered a, a village, a

town in Bethany, a town he often visited,

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and here he's welcome by Mary and Martha.

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Let's break this down here, you know?

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And the first thing it says is,

Martha opened her home to him.

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Now, I don't wanna skip past that because

Martha is not doing anything wrong here.

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In fact, she's doing something right.

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She's opening her home, she's being

hospitable, she's being responsible.

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She welcomes Jesus in.

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And I think this matters because

at least when I read this passage,

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when I think about Martha, I always,

to be honest with you, I think of

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her as, as the screw up sister.

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Like, man, you can't get it right.

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What is wrong with you, Martha?

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Jesus is right there.

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What are you doing?

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But then as I was studying out this

week, I was like, wait, that's not true.

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Actually, Martha's not lazy.

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She's not indifferent.

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She's not rebellious.

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She's doing what many of us try to do.

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She's trying to take care of everything.

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She's doing something good, but

yet in doing something good, she's

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still missing something essential.

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As you see in verse 39 here we get

to, to Mary says, Mary sat at the

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Lord's feet listening to what he said.

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You know, that might not sound like

a big deal to us in our culture, but

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back then in that culture, in Jesus's

time, it was a big deal, especially for

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a woman to sit at a feet of a rabbi.

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Usually in that time it was mostly

dominated by by men, and it was always

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a disciple who sat at the rabbi's feet

wanting to listen, wanting to learn

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from them, to be trained by them.

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We see that Jesus, as he's in the home

of Mary and Martha, that Mary decides

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to take on that posture of a disciple.

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She wants to be a learner, a follower.

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You know, Mary wasn't just

chilling in the living room.

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She wasn't like, all right,

Martha, you got the dinner.

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Alright, I'm gonna kick my feet up.

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I'm gonna chill with Jesus in the room.

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No, she was making a

bold spiritual choice.

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She was prioritizing being present with

Jesus rather than performing for him.

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She was choosing a relationship

over responsibility.

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She wasn't doing less because

she cared less, but she was

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doing what mattered most.

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Being with Jesus, Mary wasn't

lazy, but she decided to be still.

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She decided to listen and draw near.

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She wasn't being less faithful,

but being more attentive.

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And then we shift back here to Martha,

it says, but Martha was distracted.

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Distracted by what?

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Word distracted, not

wicked, not disobedient.

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Not sinful, but just distracted.

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Distracted by many things.

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Many things that aren't bad

things, not sinful things, but

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good things, necessary things.

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She was busy.

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She was like, I have to prepare dinner.

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I have to be serviceful.

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I have to make sure

everything's just right.

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Martha was preparing a meal for

Jesus, but in doing all that, she

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was missing the moment with Jesus.

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She's doing things for him, but missing

the chance to just sit with him.

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And we see that in her frustration.

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She says, Lord, don't you care?

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She starts accusing Jesus.

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You guys ever been there?

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Man, you're doing all the right things.

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You're serving, you're giving.

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You're working hard.

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You're keeping it all together,

and it just hits you in a moment

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and you just wonder, God, don't

you just care what I'm doing?

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Can't you just show me favor?

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Maybe it's not just with God.

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Maybe you felt that in other

relationships, whether it's with your

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spouse or your friend or a family

member, you're doing everything you can.

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But it feels like no one notices

or worse that no one cares.

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And in Martha's case here

we see she's overwhelmed.

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You know, when we get overwhelmed,

tired, or stretched, it's easy to

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start blaming the people closest to us.

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Growing up when I was feeling a lot, the

people who were in my life that would get

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it from me are my parents and my siblings.

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They say one wrong thing and I explode.

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And now today it's Savannah,

but I try not to do as much.

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So please pray for her for that.

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But think about it.

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Why do we blow up on the

people closest to us?

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Well, they're, they're right there.

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They're the ones right there.

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When we often get our breaking point,

it's the people around us who often end

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up feeling the brunt of our frustration.

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They're the ones, uh, who in our

mind should be, should understand

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us the most, and they don't seem to.

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So it's easy to project all

our stress in the moment and

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unmet expectations onto them.

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But what I love here in this verse

is Jesus, you know, he was just like,

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okay, where is this coming from?

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Like, okay, Martha's just exploding.

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In my case, when Savannah would

do that to me or any of my

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roommates, I would be like, all

right, let's match fire with fire.

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Let's do this.

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But Jesus was like, oh, Martha, Martha.

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I just love how he said that.

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It wasn't screaming.

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I don't see exclamation points.

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: 00:14:46

He didn't say Martha.

319

: 00:14:47

Martha, like, what is wrong with you?

320

: 00:14:48

He just says, you are worried, upset

about many things, but the one thing,

321

: 00:14:53

but only one thing is needed, and

Mary has chosen what is better and

322

: 00:14:56

it will not be taken away from her.

323

: 00:14:59

Jesus.

324

: 00:15:00

He doesn't yell.

325

: 00:15:02

He doesn't shame her.

326

: 00:15:04

He doesn't say, man, why can't

you be like your sister Mary?

327

: 00:15:07

But he speaks with love, with

tenderness, with clarity.

328

: 00:15:11

He says, Martha, I see your effort, man.

329

: 00:15:13

I'm so grateful for you wanting

to put on this great dinner for

330

: 00:15:16

me, but I want your attention.

331

: 00:15:18

I appreciate your service,

but I want your presence.

332

: 00:15:22

Mary chose what is better, not what is

easier, not what is more comfortable not

333

: 00:15:26

is what looks more spiritual, but she

chose a better thing, and Jesus says that

334

: 00:15:32

will not be taken away from her because

time spent with Jesus is never wasted.

335

: 00:15:37

It's never in vain.

336

: 00:15:38

It's the better part.

337

: 00:15:39

It's the part that sustains you when

everything else feels overwhelming.

338

: 00:15:43

It's the part that centers your

life or your heart around the, the

339

: 00:15:46

chaotic life that you may have.

340

: 00:15:49

So the big question for us this

morning today is, are we busy doing for

341

: 00:15:53

Jesus, that we miss being with Jesus?

342

: 00:15:57

Because the better part, the

thing Jesus says that really

343

: 00:16:00

matters isn't the full schedule.

344

: 00:16:02

It's not the perfect dinner.

345

: 00:16:03

It's not the the perfect execution plan.

346

: 00:16:06

It's presence.

347

: 00:16:07

Presence, not presence like gifts,

but presence, like attention.

348

: 00:16:12

It's relationship.

349

: 00:16:13

It's sitting at his feet and listening,

and that's something, as he says,

350

: 00:16:18

that can never be taken away.

351

: 00:16:21

But all the other things that you guys

have going on in your lives, the tasks,

352

: 00:16:25

the responsibilities, the constant

striving, those things can be taken away.

353

: 00:16:31

They're temporary.

354

: 00:16:32

They fade, but time spent with Jesus.

355

: 00:16:36

That right there can never be taken away.

356

: 00:16:38

That is eternal and in our

lives, in our faith, in our

357

: 00:16:42

families and our friendships.

358

: 00:16:44

Are we doing the same thing Martha did?

359

: 00:16:47

Maybe it's, you know, coming here, showing

up to church, showing up to events.

360

: 00:16:50

We read our Bibles, but

sometimes only to check a box.

361

: 00:16:53

We keep moving.

362

: 00:16:54

We keep doing what we keep performing.

363

: 00:16:56

Or maybe it's in our friendships

and relationships where you're

364

: 00:16:59

constantly doing things for

others, making sure they're happy.

365

: 00:17:03

Yet not taking the time to

slow down and listen to what

366

: 00:17:06

Jesus is trying to say to you.

367

: 00:17:08

We keep running from one task to the

next thinking that's what's needed.

368

: 00:17:12

But we never stop and

just be still with him.

369

: 00:17:16

And when we don't do that church, we

end up like Martha, not rebellious,

370

: 00:17:21

not lazy, not in sin, but just

distracted, busy doing things for

371

: 00:17:26

God while missing being with God.

372

: 00:17:29

And the same things happen

in our relationships too.

373

: 00:17:31

We try to care.

374

: 00:17:32

We try to help, but we get

overwhelmed, we get distracted.

375

: 00:17:36

We can get stretched thin, and before

we know it, we're present in the

376

: 00:17:41

room, but we're absent in the heart.

377

: 00:17:44

We're going through the motions,

but not really connecting.

378

: 00:17:49

You know, as I think about it,

man, I think about, man, how,

379

: 00:17:51

how can I shift from this?

380

: 00:17:53

How do I recognize that I don't

have to fall into the same trap?

381

: 00:17:57

And more importantly, how do we

get back to what really matters?

382

: 00:18:01

Whether it's with God or your

spouse or your kids or your friends

383

: 00:18:04

or your ministry, it's not just

about doing the right things.

384

: 00:18:07

It's about being fully there.

385

: 00:18:10

So what does it look like?

386

: 00:18:11

Church, when we do relationships

wrong, when we don't do it God's

387

: 00:18:15

way, well, let's start here.

388

: 00:18:16

We have this self-focused love.

389

: 00:18:19

We start asking the wrong questions.

390

: 00:18:21

We ask maybe, what am I gonna

get out of this relationship?

391

: 00:18:25

Instead of asking, how can

I love or how can I give?

392

: 00:18:28

What we need, what we want,

what we're not getting.

393

: 00:18:30

We approach relationships like consumers.

394

: 00:18:33

If it stops working for me, I'm just

gonna get rid of it and I'm gonna go

395

: 00:18:36

somewhere else and receive that love.

396

: 00:18:39

But love.

397

: 00:18:40

We're talking about real

love that Christ love.

398

: 00:18:42

It's not about how someone else feels us.

399

: 00:18:45

That's about how we pour out our

love from God already given to us.

400

: 00:18:50

When we all make it, when we

make it all about ourselves,

401

: 00:18:53

relationships, they tend to break down.

402

: 00:18:55

Think about maybe that friendship you

had with somebody, maybe you called it

403

: 00:18:59

quit 'cause you're like, man, I'm giving

too much to it, or I'm not receiving.

404

: 00:19:02

Or maybe you are the person getting

too much and not giving, because

405

: 00:19:07

relationships, they can't thrive when one

person is always taking and never giving.

406

: 00:19:12

You know, another way we can be doing

it wrong is we prioritize performance.

407

: 00:19:15

We focus more on what we're doing

rather than who we're doing it for.

408

: 00:19:19

And we lose the heart of the relationship.

409

: 00:19:22

Our value becomes tied to the output.

410

: 00:19:24

Whether in our marriage or our friendship

or our faith, we start treating

411

: 00:19:27

love like a job rather than a joy.

412

: 00:19:31

We think if I just do more,

then I'll just be enough.

413

: 00:19:35

But God, he's not grading us on our

busy schedules and, and our to-do lists.

414

: 00:19:39

He's looking for our heart.

415

: 00:19:41

Another sign of getting it wrong

is we seek validation instead of

416

: 00:19:45

resting in God's unconditional

love, we try to earn acceptance.

417

: 00:19:48

It's human nature to want to get notice,

to get praise, to be approved of.

418

: 00:19:53

So we keep striving to for it, but

this creates a fragile relationship

419

: 00:19:57

because the moment we stop performing,

we fear will no longer be loved.

420

: 00:20:03

But that's not how God's work.

421

: 00:20:04

God works, his love is not

earned, but it's received.

422

: 00:20:09

We can also become distracted.

423

: 00:20:13

We're physically present, but mentally

we're elsewhere Scrolling on our phone

424

: 00:20:17

at the dinner table while our spouse is

trying to connect with us or our kids.

425

: 00:20:21

Thinking about tomorrow

instead of being present today.

426

: 00:20:25

I dunno about you guys, but this

is where I can struggle the most.

427

: 00:20:27

Even in my prayer where man, I, I

have trouble sitting still through it.

428

: 00:20:31

I just, I gotta rush through it because

I have so many things to do and like

429

: 00:20:34

Martha, when we're, uh, around Jesus, but

not really with him, and we miss sacred

430

: 00:20:40

moments because our minds are cluttered.

431

: 00:20:43

We can also have duty as a foundation.

432

: 00:20:46

That's a sign of doing it wrong.

433

: 00:20:47

We start saying, oh, I have to.

434

: 00:20:50

I have to serve, I have to

call that brother or sister.

435

: 00:20:52

I have to show up.

436

: 00:20:54

And yes, there is discipline and

love, but if we all feel this pressure

437

: 00:20:58

and never passion and something's

off, when duty becomes the engine of

438

: 00:21:02

our relationships, they turn cold.

439

: 00:21:05

We don't need less discipline,

but we need deeper devotion.

440

: 00:21:09

And lastly, when we do it wrong, we

can start serving without connection.

441

: 00:21:14

We do acts of love, but we neglect

the person we're loving Like myself,

442

: 00:21:17

this past week or last week, I

was doing things for Savannah,

443

: 00:21:20

but I wasn't connecting with her.

444

: 00:21:22

And I think about maybe we can,

uh, fall victim of that as well.

445

: 00:21:26

Maybe we're we get up early

and we serve here at church.

446

: 00:21:28

Amen.

447

: 00:21:29

That's great, but maybe you don't connect

with the person you're serving with.

448

: 00:21:33

You know, when it comes to

serving for someone, uh, you

449

: 00:21:35

can still be far from them.

450

: 00:21:37

You know, the heart of

service is always connection.

451

: 00:21:42

I dunno about you, but when I

was thinking about this, this was

452

: 00:21:44

me just thinking, okay, signs of

doing it wrong for a relationship.

453

: 00:21:47

These are areas where I think

about, man, I can fall shorted.

454

: 00:21:50

I don't know why, but man,

I, I can get very insecure.

455

: 00:21:53

I think about, man,

there's no hope, Daniel.

456

: 00:21:55

You're just gonna be a terrible

person for the rest of your life.

457

: 00:21:57

You're gonna be a terrible husband.

458

: 00:22:00

But what I love about Jesus, what I love

about his response to Martha, it wasn't

459

: 00:22:05

just correction of like, or a rebuke

of like, man, what is wrong with you?

460

: 00:22:09

Man, get it together.

461

: 00:22:11

But he was just like, no,

Martha, hey, you're distracted.

462

: 00:22:14

He didn't condemn her for her

hard work, but instead he gently

463

: 00:22:17

pointed her to a better way.

464

: 00:22:20

So I thought about, man, what, what

do you, what do I think Jesus would

465

: 00:22:22

point to if I wanted to get it right?

466

: 00:22:24

If I wanted get a a right relationship

with God and want a right relationship

467

: 00:22:28

with anyone else in my life?

468

: 00:22:29

If I want a strong relationship,

it runs on three things.

469

: 00:22:32

I think it runs on present, it runs on

love, and it runs on a real connection.

470

: 00:22:38

Because I, I believe that these are the

foundations that make a relationship

471

: 00:22:42

not only survive, but thrive.

472

: 00:22:45

You know, when I think about

prioritizing presence, we live in

473

: 00:22:47

a world where it rewards hustle.

474

: 00:22:49

You know, doing the gritty, doing

all that, getting down dirty.

475

: 00:22:52

God invites us though to be still in a

culture where it says, do more, be more.

476

: 00:22:58

Prove yourself.

477

: 00:22:59

Jesus is saying, no.

478

: 00:23:02

He's looking for us.

479

: 00:23:03

He's asking us to be still.

480

: 00:23:04

I think about in Luke 10, verse 38,

which we just read, is that Mary sat

481

: 00:23:08

at the Lord's feet listening to him.

482

: 00:23:10

She was being with him, and that's

what prioritizing presence looks like.

483

: 00:23:16

Not squeezing God into the leftover

corners of our day, but really planning

484

: 00:23:20

our day centered with God around him.

485

: 00:23:23

Rounded.

486

: 00:23:24

It's choosing to sit with no

agenda, to pray without rushing.

487

: 00:23:28

To read scriptures without trying

to finish it, but trying to listen.

488

: 00:23:32

And in our relationship it means to show

up fully when you're out, you know, at

489

: 00:23:37

the dinner table, it means putting your

phones down, making eye contact with the

490

: 00:23:40

person across from you, listening to them

showing that you mattered, not just with

491

: 00:23:44

words, but with my attention as well.

492

: 00:23:47

You know, Jesus was never too busy to stop

for one person, so let's really slow down

493

: 00:23:52

and try to mirror that by, by being fully

present with God and with each other.

494

: 00:23:57

With presence, uh, with having a presence.

495

: 00:24:00

It's not enough if it's not

rooted in the right motive,

496

: 00:24:02

and that's where love comes in.

497

: 00:24:04

Everything changes when

love becomes the reason.

498

: 00:24:07

Think about his greatest commandment.

499

: 00:24:09

What we read just earlier, it

wasn't, hey, try harder, do more.

500

: 00:24:13

It was simply love, love

god and love people.

501

: 00:24:19

That was the foundation.

502

: 00:24:21

You know, if we serve out

of guilt, we'll grow bitter.

503

: 00:24:24

If we give because we feel

pressure, then we'll burn out.

504

: 00:24:27

If love is our motive, our

love for God and each other,

505

: 00:24:30

then our faith becomes alive.

506

: 00:24:32

I dunno about you guys, but when

my foundation is in love, I find

507

: 00:24:35

myself to forgive people quicker.

508

: 00:24:38

I serve with joy and not resentment.

509

: 00:24:40

I don't quit when things get hard.

510

: 00:24:43

I care more about the person's

heart rather than the appearance.

511

: 00:24:46

Love reminds that people

matter more than performance.

512

: 00:24:50

It's not out of obligation, but

out of the overflow of our heart.

513

: 00:24:54

God's love is filling us.

514

: 00:24:56

Then we spill into others

how we treat others.

515

: 00:24:59

And then finally, we

need more than just love.

516

: 00:25:01

In theory.

517

: 00:25:02

We need a real connection.

518

: 00:25:04

This was a huge part of Jesus' rhythm.

519

: 00:25:08

He didn't just wake up every morning and

says, all right, it's time to baptize.

520

: 00:25:11

Time to heal, time to save the loss.

521

: 00:25:13

Do all these things.

522

: 00:25:14

No, he did do that later on.

523

: 00:25:15

But what did he do?

524

: 00:25:17

He went to a solitary place

to connect with his father.

525

: 00:25:22

That was his source and that was his

strength, and that's our strength as well.

526

: 00:25:27

But here's where we often can get it

wrong, this is where I can get it wrong

527

: 00:25:30

too, is that we try to do life with, uh,

for God, without doing life with God.

528

: 00:25:35

We try to love people without

being filled by God first.

529

: 00:25:40

But when we stay connected, when

we, uh, make a space just to be

530

: 00:25:43

with him, we stop performing.

531

: 00:25:46

We stop pretending we're not out to

prove we're living from a place of peace.

532

: 00:25:51

You know when we get that real connection,

we lead with peace and not pressure.

533

: 00:25:56

We offer grace and not guilt.

534

: 00:25:58

We're not giving from emptiness.

535

: 00:25:59

We're giving from the overflow.

536

: 00:26:02

So this morning, church, if you're feeling

exhausted, I wanted you to consider, maybe

537

: 00:26:07

it's not because you're doing too much.

538

: 00:26:10

Maybe it could be that you're trying to

give without first being fully connected.

539

: 00:26:14

And Jesus, he didn't live like that.

540

: 00:26:17

He started with God and

then he gave to others.

541

: 00:26:21

So I really wanna courage.

542

: 00:26:21

Let's really follow this rhythm because

when we prioritize presence, make love

543

: 00:26:26

our foundation, have a real connection,

we stop striving and start abiding.

544

: 00:26:30

That's when faith becomes alive and

that's when we can truly get it right.

545

: 00:26:34

I mean, just imagine church.

546

: 00:26:35

What would it look like if we

in our relationships that uh, we

547

: 00:26:39

lived out our relationships in the

way that Jesus described, not out

548

: 00:26:42

of duty bout of love, not out of

performance, but out of presence.

549

: 00:26:48

Not rushed and distracted, but

rooted and intentional, man.

550

: 00:26:53

What would that look like for us church?

551

: 00:26:55

What would it look like in our

families, in our marriages, in our

552

: 00:26:59

friendships, in our ministry, if

we live from a place like that?

553

: 00:27:04

Not just doing relationships but

doing them right because we're doing

554

: 00:27:07

it with God at the center of it.

555

: 00:27:09

That's the kind of relationship

God wants us to have, and it's

556

: 00:27:13

the kind of relationship he

wants us to build with others.

557

: 00:27:16

So today, whether you feel like Mary

or Mar Martha know this, know that

558

: 00:27:20

Jesus is not asking for perfection,

but he is longing for your presence.

559

: 00:27:25

He's not saying try harder.

560

: 00:27:27

He's saying Come closer.

561

: 00:27:28

Because the better part, the only

that matters is simply being with him.

562

: 00:27:33

And as Jesus told Mary, when we be

with Jesus, when we choose to be with

563

: 00:27:37

God, that can never be taken away.

564

: 00:27:41

So, as we close today, I wanna

leave us with some, uh, practicals.

565

: 00:27:44

Let's get real practical here

about doing relationships, right?

566

: 00:27:47

Not out of pressure, but from presence

and not out of guilt, but out of grace.

567

: 00:27:53

You know, first I want us to, let's

try to make space for God this week.

568

: 00:27:57

You know, uh, maybe it's just five or 10

minutes, maybe you're not in the rhythm.

569

: 00:28:00

Try to do five to 10 minutes,

try to read a scripture.

570

: 00:28:03

I mean, the Bible app does a great job

saying a verse right there for you, man.

571

: 00:28:06

Try to read that.

572

: 00:28:06

Try to meditate on that.

573

: 00:28:08

Try to pray.

574

: 00:28:10

When we choose to center ourselves

with God, when we get our relationship

575

: 00:28:14

with God, right, man, that means we

can truly love and appreciate and it

576

: 00:28:18

really affects others in our lives.

577

: 00:28:21

Second, let's give to someone your

presence and not just your productivity.

578

: 00:28:25

Think about someone in your life who

needs your attention, not just your help.

579

: 00:28:30

Maybe it's your spouse or your kid or your

friend, but this week really slow down.

580

: 00:28:36

Look them in the eye and listen.

581

: 00:28:37

Be present.

582

: 00:28:39

Love looks like showing up.

583

: 00:28:41

And lastly, this is a hard one here,

but love someone who's hard to love.

584

: 00:28:46

Jesus.

585

: 00:28:46

Didn't say love that person who

makes it easy for you or love that

586

: 00:28:50

person who you agree with the most.

587

: 00:28:52

He said, love your neighbor.

588

: 00:28:54

So this week, do something

loving for someone that maybe

589

: 00:28:57

frustrated you, that maybe annoyed

you, that disagreed with you.

590

: 00:29:01

Try to talk to 'em.

591

: 00:29:02

Try to forgive them.

592

: 00:29:02

Pray for them.

593

: 00:29:03

Call them, text them, bless them.

594

: 00:29:05

'cause that's what love does.

595

: 00:29:09

As we take communion together, remember

that Jesus didn't just tell us how

596

: 00:29:12

to love, but he also showed it.

597

: 00:29:14

He backed it up as well.

598

: 00:29:16

I mean, he sat at the table

with all his disciples, with

599

: 00:29:18

those who are gonna betray him.

600

: 00:29:20

He washed their feet, he broke

bread, and he gave thanks.

601

: 00:29:23

And ultimately, he

carried the cross for us.

602

: 00:29:26

And I think the cross is the clearest

picture of what love looks like.

603

: 00:29:30

God or Jesus loving all his heart with

all his soul, with all his mind so that

604

: 00:29:34

we could love him and others the same.

605

: 00:29:38

Close out in one John chapter

four, verse nine through 11.

606

: 00:29:41

Uh, it says, this is how God

showed his love among us.

607

: 00:29:45

He sent his one and only son into the

world that we might live through him.

608

: 00:29:49

This is love.

609

: 00:29:50

Not that uh, we loved God, but that

he loved us and sent his son as

610

: 00:29:54

an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

611

: 00:29:57

Dear friends, since God so loved

us, we also had to love one another

612

: 00:30:02

As we take communion together,

let's remember that the love.

613

: 00:30:05

Not just a command, but it's a gift.

614

: 00:30:08

God showed his love by sacrificing his

son as an atoning sacrifice for us.

615

: 00:30:13

And Jesus in his perfect love laid

down his life For us, this is the

616

: 00:30:18

love we are called to reflect, not

just in words, but in our actions, in

617

: 00:30:23

our hearts, and in our relationships.

618

: 00:30:25

Amen.

619

: 00:30:26

Let's go to God in prayer and

then we'll take communion.

620

: 00:30:33

Heavenly Father, uh.

621

: 00:30:35

Thank you for just your incredible

gift, incredible gift of, of your love.

622

: 00:30:41

As we take this bread and we take

this cup, we remember Jesus' body

623

: 00:30:45

and His blood being on the cross.

624

: 00:30:47

God, we are humbled by his depth

of love, a love that reaches

625

: 00:30:52

us even in our own brokenness.

626

: 00:30:55

And Lord, we ask you to help

examine our hearts today.

627

: 00:30:58

Not just for what we've done,

but for how we've loved.

628

: 00:31:02

Help us to love you with all our

heart, with all our soul, and with

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: 00:31:05

all our mind, so that way we can

love others as you have loved us.

630

: 00:31:09

Lord, as we take communion, I pray

you can draw us closer back to you,

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: 00:31:13

back to the relationship you desire

for us, and let this moment remind

632

: 00:31:17

us that love can hold us together.

633

: 00:31:20

We thank you for your time.

634

: 00:31:21

God, we thank you for your incredible

grace, your mercy, and your love,

635

: 00:31:25

and your son's name we pray.

636

: 00:31:27

Amen.